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One month to the day after meeting J, things have fizzled a bit. The candle burned bright for 30 days. Too hot, too fast. Today I felt like a fool. My first love, he fought for me. Made me feel worthy of love. I want J to be my next great love, but I feel inadequate and as if he's stopped trying to fight for me. Partly it's relief, romance is incredibly inconvenient when you work 5 days and go to school the other 2. We fast forwarded the courting and played house a little. I'd almost forgotten how much I enjoy my alone time. Who am I supposed to be in a relationship anyway? I've never known. I'm good at being aloof, at ending things, but being vulnerable is not my forte. I'm at a loss. I didn't move to FL for melodrama. Stay tuned.
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